Just found this song, and it makes me shed my tears..

This song made me miss my daddy so much. It represents the words I’d say to my daddy if I had the chance. Well, actually my daddy didn’t teach me how to ride bike, and he wouldn’t able to send me to the altar like i wish. He already died 5 years ago.

I still remember when He was around. He was an over protective daddy..I was twelfth grade student but He treated me like I were 10 years old. I went hanging out with my friends at 1PM, but at 4 PM, he already looking for me, called me and ask me to go home. At that time I was angry to him, and yelled that I’m not a little girl anymore. But right now I really miss those time..I miss you dad, so much.

Five years ago, I couldn’t accompany you, only said goodbye through phone and told you that you don’t need to worry about me, I don’t even know whether you can hear it until now. This song represents everything I’d like to say, dad.

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It’s gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I’ll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go

Yes, daddy you don’t need to worry, you can let go. Your little girl is already grown up. Even it scarry or hard, I know I’ll be ok, coz you already taught me how to face it..I love you dad, more than I can say. I promise that I’ll be someone that can make you proud; I’ll stick this family together again. You don’t need to be worry dad, I promise you..^^

Christmas isn’t Christmas ‘til it’s Christmas in your heart
Somewhere, deep inside you, is where Christmas really starts
So, give your heart to Jesus, you’ll discover when you do
That’s it Christmas, really Christmas for you.

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire, a light like a candle’s glow
He’s waiting now to come inside, like He did so long ago
Jesus brings gifts of truth and life and makes them bloom and grow
So welcome Him with a song of joy, and when He comes you’ll know….

That Christmas isn’t Christmas ‘til it’s Christmas in your heart
Somewhere, deep inside you, is where Christmas really starts
So, give your heart to Jesus, you’ll discover when you do
That’s it Christmas, really Christmas

Christmas, really Christmas
Christmas, really Christmas for you

This is a Christmas song from 1980’s. Written by Carol Owens & Jimmy Owens. (music sheets can be obtained here: www.rhythmmp.com)..Love this song so muccccchhhhhhh

This is the children’s choir version

Wew..It’s December….Christmas is coming.. These last few years, I’ve been busy being a committee for Christmas celebration in my church, and because of that busyness, sometimes I don’t really feels the real meaning of Christmas. This year I’m free without any responsibilty for Christmas’ preparation and I don’t know why, I really enjoy it.  Without the hectic days during Christmas holiday, I can lay back and evaluate my Christmases. I realize that during that hectic services, sometimes my focus is not about Him, but it’s all about how to attract parish so they keep going to our church, or how to fulfill our quantity target for Christmas event. Even we keep telling about Jesus was bornt for us, about the salvation He’s given, but sometimes it’s just a routine for us as the activist, we don’t feel the real Christmas in our hearts, do we? Yeah, sometimes we forget the warmth that Jesus already gave us when we first accept Him as our savior. That’s the true Christmas, when He born in our heart. Christmas isn’t at 25th of December, it can happen every day, when someone accept HIM as his/her savior. Hopefully people around the world can enjoy Christmas, not only because of the presents, greetings, holiday, or anything else, but because of the real present that He already gave us..^^..Merry Christmas everybody..May the light of Jesus lightens your way and gives warmth into your heart..Gbu abundantly

WHILE I’M WAITING
John Waller, Fireproof OST

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

This is one of my fav songs. I love this song since the first time i heard it while watching Fireproof. Yeah..This song is fireproof’s soundtrack. This song is really suitable for my condition, while I’m waiting. I sing this song like my commitment to HIM. It’s really not easy, and painful. Lord, I’m still waiting for YOUR answers. Sometimes I’m really tired waiting, asking for HIS way, tired to keep praying, but through this song, He reminds me to keep serving and worshiping Him while I’m waiting, and a promise that I won’t faint until I met the finish line. And another thing is someone teach me through his tweet in twitter that prayer isn’t about asking and demanding for our needs and wishes, but it’s all about finding HIS purposes in our lives. God it’s really hard, but like this song, I promise not to faint, I’ll finish my race Lord, but please never leave me and teach me to be sensitive about Your will…

Hmm..I already fed up with mother-daughter in law relationship..Well actually i haven’t married yet, but I’m in the middle of those relationships…This kind relationship in my family is a li’l bit complicated. It’s not only about my mother and her daughter in law but also about my sister and her daughter in law. Well three of us (me, my sister, and my sister in law) thought all problems happened because they live in PMI (Pondok mertua Indah or we can call it as “wonderful mother in law lodge). I don’t hate my sister in law, because I understand her feelings, it’s kinda hard to enter other family and become a family with different background, even she can adapt but it’s really tough. It happened to my sister too. In the other side, I can understand my mother and my sister’s in law feelings. They don’t wanna lose their son..Haish..I really hope that I won’t ever through that position like my sister and sister in law..Well, there are some points that I learn from their situation to hinder this “cold war.”

1. Mommy please understands that your son is an adult who can take their own decision. If they choose a woman to be his wife, He must already think that this woman is the most suitable for him, so please respect his choice.
2. It’s not easy to live with someone with other background. So both side need to tolerate each other.  Demand won’t give any solutions, both side need to change their selves to adapt.
3. Negative thinking is like a virus that can ruin your relationship. Try to think positively about your partner, in this case about your daughter or mother in law. Even in the worst condition, never ever think badly about them. They already become part of your family. How can you build a family based on bad prejudices.
4. Don’t interrupt your son or daughter marriage, even you think it’s for their sake. As your child, they need to listen to you, but it doesn’t mean you can control their marriage. They already have their own family, which is a part of your family too, every decision they made, either bad or good, just let them learn.
5. For daughter in law, for practical deed, it’s better if you wake up earlier than your mother in law, or just to show your face in the morning and greet your parents in law. Respect them as your own parents, because you already became their daughter.
6. When daughter in law wants to make decision it’s better ask the elder, even in the end you won’t take the same decision as they suggested. At least you show that you respect them.
7. Try to know your in law’s favorites, so you can make them happy..I think that’s the simplest way to show you care.

Well, there are still many points how to build a good relationship with your in law, but I think this is the basic knowledge..And I wish I can get out from this “trap” soon..hehehe…Wish my mother and my sister in law can have a great relationship in the future, and so can my sister..^^

I know her (auntie) since I was a li’l kid. I think around 16 years ago, when I was 5 or 6 years old. My mommy was her friend, that’s how I know her. For me she’s a caring and loving mother. His eldest son is 1 month older than me, but he entered school one year after, so he became my junior in school. Every year, since I was in elementary school, auntie always called me and asked all my notes and home works, so his son can learn from my past year papers. It happened until junior high school, because in the senior high school I already take science as my major from first grade. My sister used to be her children’s private teacher for almost 5 years, during my elementary school. After my sister got a permanent work, my sister’s friend replaces the position, and after that, my cousin taught her eldest son during senior high school. Because, I had worship service together with his son, I still keep contact with her. Every time I came to her house, or met her at church, she always greet me cheerfully, asked about my condition. She’s so kind, and always tried to help others.  Such a lovable person, and I never thought that she’d die tragically.

She just died last Wednesday at 18 November 2009 tragically. She got killed by his husband’s uncle with samurai. Her husband was injured. And her condition was awful. I was shocked when I got the news, I prayed it just a dream or lie..but unfortunately, when I came to her house, there was a police line as a proof it’s real..My aunt is already died. Even she isn’t my real auntie, but i really feel a great loss..T.T..Not only me, my family, and people in the churh feel it too.

Many people make assumptions about the motive, why the uncle wanted to kill her and his husband. Many people said she’s fussy and mean to her workers, that’s why she got killed. But honestly I can’t imagine auntie as a mean person. And if auntie is really mean, is it possible that someone whom used to work for her, would immediately flew to Jakarta from Bali just to attend her funeral. That’s really happened. She’s a lovable mom, who still hugs or said goodnite to her adult son, who’s still dating with his husband every week, care and help poor people.

I just can’t imagine how is my friend and his li’l brother feelings as her children. How about uncle who saw those tragic and inhuman tragedy. It must be really hard for them.  If i were in their position I’d angry or maybe I’d avenge her death. But Lord, please..I hope they don’t have the same feeling like mine. I hope they can learn to forgive and move on. Now, my friend needs to take a big decision. He is an entrepreneur, and now he’s in his heyday, but with his mother sudden death and his father condition, he needs to think about taking over family’s business. And he still confuses which way to take. May God bless him, and guide him to take the right decision. May God guard his brother who is studying abroad, so he can finish his study like his mother always dreamt. And May God strengthen his father to keep moving on and live for his sons…God please bless them and cover them with Your love.

Filosofi pensil, inspirasi kehidupan

Seorang anak bertanya kepada neneknya yang sedang menulis sebuah surat :
“Nenek lagi menulis tentang pengalaman kita ya? Atau tentang aku?”

Mendengar pertanyaan si cucu, sang nenek berhenti menulis dan berkata kepada cucunya, “Sebenarnya nenek sedang menulis tentang kamu, tapi ada yang lebih penting dari isi tulisan ini yaitu pensil yang nenek pakai. Nenek harap kamu bakal seperti pensil ini ketika kamu besar nanti.”

Mendengar jawab ini, si cucu kemudian melihat pensilnya dan bertanya kembali kepada si nenek ketika dia melihat tidak ada yang istimewa dari pensil yang nenek pakai:
“Tapi nek sepertinya pensil itu sama saja dengan pensil yang lainnya”, ujar si cucu.

Si nenek kemudian menjawab: “Itu semua tergantung bagaimana kamu melihat pensil ini.
Pensil ini mempunyai 5 kualitas yang bisa membuatmu selalu tenang dalam menjalani hidup, kalau kamu selalu memegang prinsip-prinsip itu di dalam hidup ini.”

Si nenek kemudian menjelaskan 5 kualitas dari sebuah pensil.

“Kualitas pertama, pensil mengingatkan kamu kalo kamu bisa berbuat hal yang hebat dalam hidup ini. Layaknya sebuah pensil ketika menulis, kamu jangan pernah lupa kalau ada tangan yang selalu membimbing langkah kamu dalam hidup ini. Kita menyebutnya tangan Tuhan, Dia akan selalu membimbing kita menurut kehendakNya. “

“Kualitas kedua, dalam proses menulis, nenek kadang beberapa kali harus berhenti dan menggunakan rautan untuk menajamkan kembali pensil nenek. Rautan ini pasti akan membuat si pensil menderita. Tapi setelah proses meraut selesai, si pensil akan mendapatkan ketajamannya kembali. Begitu juga dengan kamu, dalam hidup ini kamu harus berani menerima penderitaan dan kesusahan, karena merekalah yang akan membuatmu menjadi orang yang lebih baik.”

“Kualitas ketiga, pensil selalu memberikan kita kesempatan untuk meggunakan penghapus, untuk memperbaiki kata-kata yang salah. Oleh karena itu memperbaiki kesalahan kita dalam hidup ini, bukanlah hal yang jelek. Itu bisa membantu kita untuk tetap berada pada jalan yang benar.”

“Kualitas keempat, bagian yang paling penting dari sebuah pensil bukanlah bagian luarnya,melainkan arang yang ada di dalam sebuah pensil. Oleh sebab itu, selalulah hati-hati dan menyadari hal -hal di dalam dirimu.”

“Kualitas kelima, adalah sebuah pensil selalu meninggalkan tanda/goresan. Seperti juga kamu, kamu harus sadar kalau apapun yang kamu perbuat dalam hidup ini akan meninggalkan kesan. Oleh karena itu selalulah hati-hati dan sadar terhadap semua tindakan.”

Okay..my birthday is coming in the next two days…Some people already asked me, what I want for my birthday, what I wish for this year. Maybe the next sentence sounds brash, but I hope all of u can fulfill my birthday wish. I want to ask a birthday present from all of you. I really thank all my friends whom really care about me and remember my birthday.  My wish for my birthday is not related to myself but I hope you can read my story first.

There is a young couple in my church. They have two children. The first one named Karen and she is around 5 years old, and the second one is Christopher whom just born a month ago. Unluckily, the doctor in RSCM told this young couple, that their one month old Christopher got leukemia. Well, I can’t imagine their feelings right now. The doctor suggests this couple to take their son to Singapore. And I think it’ll cost much.

As an illustration for the cost, I tell you another story. I have a friend whom his little sister got leukemia. When I asked him how his little sister’s condition is and how much her treatment costs. He said that her little sister is getting better, and she just finished her first treatment. This treatment taking one year to fulfill, and there are still so many treatments that his little sister needs to going through in the next 9 years. So the total time for the medication is 10 years. That’s the end of my friend’s story.

Can you imagine how much it costs? Besides the treatment cost, they still need to think about living cost in Singapore, about Karen’s education.  And tomorrow, or maybe until the Christopher’s condition is stable, they will take him to Singapore. Until now, they keep struggling about financial problem.

So this is my birthday wish, if you really care about me or if you were touched by the story would you mind helping them, participating in this fund raising activity. You can send your contribution directly to BCA KCU Gunung Sahari: 0031215080 a/n Arya Gunawan. They don’t ask me  nor my church for a fund raising. It’s only our initiative. Maybe they don’t even recognize you, nor knowing who you are. But your help will mean so much to them, and it will strengthen them and their family.  And I believe that God will repay your sincerity in HIS time. It’s your decision to help them financially or not, but I believe all of you can pray for Christopher.

Rather than sending me a gift, I hope all my best friends that read this message will take a participation in this fund raising. And this will be the most wonderful present for my birthday. Gbu all…

Ephesians 4:1-2

¹As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. ²Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Trip Jabanpayocijak (Jkt-Bandung-Pangandaran-Yogyakarta-Ciwidey-jkt)

Two weeks ago, I went on a trip with my campus friends. Six of us were jobless and need a break from job hunting for a while (except for Panda n Adilinum. Both of them haven’t started the job hunting activity yet.^^). That was the most impulsive trip I ever had. Firstly, Adilinum wanted to go to Bali by car, but because we wanted to go to job fair that held in the friday, we changed the plan. So the plan was going to Pangandaran from Jakarta, stay there for one night, and in the next day we’ll going to Green Canyon, take a tour around the canyon, and then go back to Bandung, stay there for two nights. But suddenly the plan was changed. In our way to Pangandaran, around km 157 in Kopo toll road, we had an accident. This the conversation when the accident occurred.

Garfield: Adilinum! Watch out!!!!!There was something on the road..(Garfield saw a black can with a sharp edge in the road)

Adilinum: Ah, it’s nothing…(still driving with high speed)

(Blast…brmm…rmmm….The car was decelerate, and Adilinum pulled over the car)

All passengers in the cars: O..ow..

Mar: Something is not right..(Together with Adilinum and Panda, she checked the car)…The tire was burst…Adilinum run over the can!

Me, Garfield, and Gundee: O ow..(got off from the car)

And Adilinum as the owner of the car didn’t know how to take the spare tire from the bottom car. So, in the middle of the day, with the sun shone above us, we waited adilinum figured out how to change the tire..Luckily the toll road officer was patrolled, and stopped to help us. We were saved..hahaha…After that accident, we postponed the trip to Pangandaran, and turned around to Bandung. Adilinum bought a new tire. So we spent our first day around Bandung. Having lunch at Sambel hejo, ate an ice cream at Brussels spring, and then walking around the factory outlet, and at the night we headed to Iga Bakar Pak Jangkung (This is one of our favorite meal at Bandung..^^)..After that we went back to the inn, washing our selves, and then went to Kopi Ireng and the valley. The topic of our discussion during the trip is “Kepoin Adilinum!” (we tried to figure out about his love life). Well that’s the end of our first day. And this is the picture from the burst tire..^^

The second day. We headed for Pangandaran at 6 AM.  Suddenly a crazy idea came into our mind, How about going to Yogyakarta after going to Green canyon? It sounded great..^^..So, Adilinum drove the car with a high speed and arrived at Pangandaran at lunch time, so we decided to having a lunch around there. The situation in Pangandaran was gusty and cloudy. Even we were there just for a while, we got a souvenir from there, well actually just me…But because my sincerity and loyalty to my friends, I share it with them too..Hahaha..I caught flu..Xp..

Because of rain, the color of the river at Green Canyon was brown, not green as usual. Besides that, the stream was swift so we can’t enter the cave which leads to the canyon, so we decided not to ride the boat. And the journey to Yogyakarta started. We went to Yogyakarta through Nagreg and Malangbong which has many hairpin bends. Adilinum drove like a crazy..hahaha..He made us shook to right and to the left. We felt like playing “halilintar”-“Niagara-gara” in Dufan. Suddenly when Adilinum overlapped a truck, he didn’t see another truck was coming from the other side. Luckily, both cars pressed brake in the right time. Adilinum was surprised and said, “O my God,” while the others was being shocked. Even Gundee who sat as co pilot at that time made a strange shout out, that made us laugh. And then Garfield said that her heart was tired after running so fast..Xp..Do you know what Adilinum said in reply? He said, “Ow..If your heart was tired, just pause it for a while, when we arrive, I’d told you when to turn it on..”..If I were a Nodame from Nodame cantabile, I’d like to say, “GYABOOO!!!” and hit Adilinum…

The first day at Yogyakarta we only have time to walk and having dinner at Malioboro. We tried to find a cheap inn, and we found it around 10.30 PM. After taking a bath, all of us was fell asleep, except Panda and Adilinum, who still went out for a meal. In the next day, we go to Ulen Sentalu, a Javanese culture museum. Unluckily we were late to go to Borobudur and Prambanan. After having a dinner, we went back to Bandung and arrive there in the morning. Before heading back to Jakarta, we went to Kawah Putih, took some picture and went home..And that’s the end of our journey. A tiring but an unforgettable trip..^^..

Few days ago, my friend sent me an article about being lucky! Well, it’s a great article that can change our view of life and also change our lives too..And after reading this article, the other friend told me, we must think like that. She said that even both of us haven’t get a proper job, we must think as a lucky person, because we still have much time to traveling around, playing, and being lazy bones.  Hahaha..I think her opinion is right, but I have some different point of views..^^..We can achieve, discover or get many things, but is it just because of luck?

Well, let me flash back for a while. Last year, around this month, I was doing my research for my thesis. The same friend that suggests me to think as a lucky person was doing a research in the same place with me. She usually said that I’m very lucky. Yeah, I’m very lucky during my research. I chose a wrong topic at that time. The topic was too hard for me, because there wasn’t enough information either from journal or text book about that topic. Okay, and then my advisor changed my topic twice. And the last topic she gave me, which is my thesis is quite easy..Everything run so smooth, I can graduate on time as I targeted before (3.5 years). My defense quite smooth, and then I got a gold ring as an appreciation from my university to all students whom graduate with cum laude (GPA >3.5). Well actually, that’s the last time that my university give the ring to all cum laude graduate, because in October graduation, the ring was given to three people from each faculty only, whom has GPA >3.75. If I was not graduated at April, of course I wouldn’t get the ring..^^..”How lucky you are” or “don’t worry, you always have a big luck rather than myself,” that’s what she always said about me. Well do you think it’s only luck?

For me, as a Christian, It’s not luck. I’m not LUCKY, but I’m BLESSED..It’s very different right? Luck is only a matter of fortune, coincidence without anyone working behind the occurrence. But When I feel that I was blessed, I believe that someone work behind it, That My Lord loves me so much that He guided me through it. During my research, I struggled so much, afraid and worry was always in my mind. I need to focus in my research, but I must keep my attention in serving HIM because at that time I’m still the chairman of my church’s youth. It was a tiring and depressing time for me, but I prayed every day, surrendered my anxiety, put my weary upon HIM and asking for His guidance. And He answered my prayers. What I learned is when I put God in the first place and let HIM work through me, He will do something amazing in my life. Remember the bible verse in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”..That’s what I’ve  experienced in my life. I don’t believe in luck, but I believe that positive thinking can change the way we react in every occurrences..And when I feel that I’m blessed, it’s enough to keep me think positively each day. I believe that everything happens, even a small accident, is HIS work upon my life..^^..

Last Wednesday at 21^st October 2009, Our President, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono aka SBY announce his new cabinet. This cabinet was called KABINET INDONESIA BERSATU Jilid II (United Indonesia Cabinet part II). To select all the ministers for this cabinet, SBY used fit and proper test. There are some steps that all candidates must through, and all of them must passed the health screening.  There is a controversial after SBY announced this cabinet, because one candidate that has been announced in the media wasn’t in this cabinet. Nila Joewita Moeloek, who was a candidate for minister of health, was replaced by Endang Rahayu Sedyaningsih in “the last minute” before the announcement. The reason of this replacement is because Mrs. Moeloek hasn’t passed the health screening. Because of that sudden change, many people judge SBY embarrassed Mrs.  Moeloek. Besides that, many people judge Endang Sedyaningsih wasn’t capable to sit in this position because she’s only echelon II in Department of Health (DoH), and then they treat her as a traitor  because she had collaborated with United States of Naval Medical Research Unit-2 (US NAMRU-2), as a researcher. Well, first of all, let’s ignore about this issue, and we can see our new minister of health’s background.

dr. Endang Rahayu Sedyaningsih, MPH, DR.PH born in Jakarta at 1^st February 1955. She got her bachelor degree from Faculty of medicine University of Indonesia at 1979, and her master and doctoral degree from Harvard School of Public Health at 1992 and 1997. She’s the director of Center for Biomedical and Pharmaceutical Research & Programme Development National Institute of Health Research & Development-MOH since 2007. And in 2001, Endang was working at World Health Organization (WHO) in Jenewa, Swiss ^(1,2). Her publications can be seen in BiomedExperts.  There are so many publications written by her collaborated with her colleagues who are varied from Indonesia and another country

In my opinion, she is capable to do her job as a Minister of Health. It wasn’t easy to be accepted as an undergraduate student at University of Indonesia, especially it wasn’t easy to be accepted at Harvard. So I think she has “something” to offer for this country. She has many experiences working with many people that have different cultures, it made her mind WIDER and of course she has erudition. And with her background in research, I hope Indonesia will put more concern in that field. Research and development can help Indonesia to become healthier and stronger country. About her collaboration with US NAMRU-2 that has been one of the reasons for the controversial, she mentioned that she’s collaborating with many countries and US NAMRU is one of them. She said that this collaboration will be continued but in different shape, more transparent and gives benefits to both country. The US Navy will not interrupt the institution, and US-NAMRU-2 will collaborate with CDC and also NIH, it will change its name into Indonesia-USAaid Center for Biomedical and Public Health Research (IUC).

For many people who against her promotion as Minister of Health, please don’t use Indonesia as your excuse, because not every people in this nation against and underestimate dr. Endang. For every people who underestimate her, let her prove  her capability to this nation first before you say that she will be replaced in 100 days. Let us support our new cabinet and try to do our part. Congratulation for dr. Endang, hope so you can prove your self that you are fit for this position and bring some improvements to this country and also bring a fresh air to our research fields ..^^ ..Gbu